“Was this your first time?” asked Paul. “If you mean with Lucas, then yes. But not my first fuck.” Paul laughed. “I’ve read your work. I know you’re not a virgin.” “Oh really now,” said Nadia, smiling. “Well I’ll have you know that-” Lucas stormed back into the living room, clearly pissed, and Nadia stopped mid-sentence. “What is it?” asked Paul. “Fucking Edwards wants me fired for my inability to find a decent fucking author.” “So what?” questioned Paul. “Introduce him to Nadia.” Lucas sighed. “I can’t now that I’ve fucked her.” “Why not?” she asked. “The only people who know are all in this room.” “Nadia,” Lucas said, “I never mix business with pleasure.” “So introduce her to your dad and let him publish her. Then you can continue fucking her, if that’s what you want.” Lucas looked at Nadia. “That was pretty fucking awesome.” “I’m glad,” she said, smiling. “And besides, who says you can’t mix business with pleasure? The way I see it, our business is pleasure.” “But. McKenzie was obviously the person she’d described, and it fit with what Michelle had told me about him.I thought about what Kristen had told me about him. I realized that what got me excited most about Michelle’s affairs was a combination of the jealousy, eroticism of her with another man and even the fear that accompanied it. With Shaun, after this long, I’d lost the uncertainty of her leaving me for him. Was I confident that Michelle could spend a month with this guy and still come home to me? Yeah, but did I know that beyond any doubt? I thought so, but I knew the nagging question would be in my mind. I decided that if she did go through with it, I wasn’t going to say anything to her about his ultimate intention. I wanted her to spend an exotic, erotic month with him without being distracted by being on guard against her own emotions.What was it inside of me that wanted to gamble my marriage and my wife for a thrill, over and over again? Did I want to lose her? Does a drug addict.
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